Suffocation

Have you ever had a dream where you are suffocating?

Only to wake gasping for air. Realizing you have been holding your breath in your sleep?

That’s how depression and anxiety feel for me.

Like I’m suffocating. Those around me stealing my breath. Until there’s no breath left and I’m left to either scream or claw my way out. Demanding my own breath back.

Depression and anxiety are ugly. But with my depression and anxiety comes a compassion and a need to help others. It’s a slippery slope and one I’m working on boundaries with.

The more I give of myself the less I have left of me.

When you are sliding down the black of hole depression what helps pull you back to the surface?

Is it friendship? A spouse? An addiction?

I have a depression toolbox that I use. No one thing works each time.

For me first accepting that this is how I feel in this moment is where I start.

Then I start grabbing shit from toolbox maybe its a joint, a bible verse, an essential oil. Maybe it’s running in the middle of nowhere. Maybe it’s crying for a solid hour before I get my life back together and move on.

Depression is tricky. And I used to mask it with a prescription medication. But all it did was prolong the suffering.

Now I give it to God. I use my toolkit. I allow myself to feel this way because it’s a valid feeling. Depression and anxiety will suffocate you if you allow them to. It’s a daily struggle.

One that can’t be cured with a tiny little pill. I don’t know that there truly is a cure. I think as time goes on at least for me I have learned to acknowledge my feelings. Allow myself to be depressed over a certain situation. But not for long. Then I move on.

Depression doesn’t define me. It’s just a piece to my life, and small hiccup in my makeup. Life has humbled me, but it’s also broken my heart so many times that it makes sense that I suffer from depression and anxiety.

Do you find that your depression comes and goes? Is it a daily struggle?

Author: Danielle

Danielle is a modern day homesteader. She moved from the suburbs of California to the High Desert with her husband and two kids to live a more balanced life. An experienced Autism mom, using animals and nature to work through the struggles of raising two kids on the spectrum. Danielle is writing her first book. A longtime freelancer, and blogger. Daughter of the King.

3 thoughts on “Suffocation”

  1. Yes, yes, and yes πŸ’— I have woken up catching my breath; I’m depression-prone, so certain hours, days, weeks, months, or even years, can be a struggle. You’re not alone, dear one πŸ–πŸΌ Much love to you! Here’s to brighter skies πŸŒˆπŸ’–

    Liked by 1 person

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