American Homestead Co

An all American family raising good humans. Heading back to our roots, homesteading, raising mini farm animals, and living green.

Farm life heartbreak

Today I had to experience first hand death of a farm animal.

What started as an ordinary day quickly went very wrong. One of our Nigerian dwarf goats was suffering from urinary calculi. It was immediate and sudden. He was suffering and in excruciating pain. As the day went on his suffering continued.

My husband works long hours leaving me to make big decisions alone sometimes.

Today was that day.

Anyone who knows me. Knows that I love animals probably too much. My heart can’t take much heartbreak.

But as the day went on sweet Gus began to suffer unbearable pain.

With no vet available and the prognosis so grim I had to mercy kill my sweet Gus.

I’ve never killed an animal.

I’ll be honest I was nervous. I prayed over sweet Gus before. His goat crying was to much for my heart to handle. And so I sent him on his way to heaven.

I like to imagine all animals happy in heaven. Eating all their favorite things.


Today opened my eyes to the fact that I’m too sensitive for this farm life.

I can’t stand to watch anything suffer. I never want to play God and choose to end a life.

But today I was faced with no better choice.

It was quick and I hope painless.

Has anyone started their homesteading journey to realize they aren’t cut out for certain aspects.

I never would have thought that I’d have to mercy kill one of my sweet beloved animals. I adored that sweet animal and his silly gentle nature. He will be so missed.

4 comments found

  1. I’m so sorry, luv 😢 I feel your struggle and pain. Such a difficult decision. I think you did the right thing–a final act of love, out of the kindness of heart; purely unselfish. Big hugs to you 💐💞

    1. Thank you! It wasn’t easy that’s for sure. I love animals (probably more than people) so it was a hard decision for me to make. 😫 But as hard as it was I did feel a sense of peace after knowing he wasn’t suffering, I cannot stand to watch any animal or even bug suffer. Thank you for your sweet comments 💗

    1. Thank you ❤️ Farm life can be so heartbreaking. And no manual prepares you for what sort of things might happen. But in all the sadness knowing he wasn’t suffering anymore made it a little easier to process. Thank you for reading.

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