Manic writer

Are you a manic writer?

This isn’t to condemn or poke fun at someone that suffers with manic episodes.  As I encounter my own struggles with depression and anxiety I find that up and down is a perfect way to describe my life.  A roller coaster that kicks me off and pulls me back on with no direction or routine.

I go through these phases where I’m so enthused at the idea of writing. I take on any writing job that comes my way and happily punch away at my keyboard enticing readers in.

Then there’s these phases where the mere idea of writing causes my brain to freeze, and all creativity is sucked out on the dark horse it rode in on.

Since I was a little girl I loved to write.

I wrote my first book about an ostrich when I was maybe 8.

Writing is my outlet. But then there’s these phases where life is too crazy. My brain is too foggy that I can’t seem to find the energy to write anything but my reminders on a sticky note.

I’m simply a manic writer. Up and down. No in between.

Any project I take on I dive in.

All in.

It’s all or nothing. Then it seems a few weeks pass and I’m onto the next. But I always come back to writing.

And when I do. I’m reminded of how great it feels to jot down some thoughts.

Happy Wednesday.

Danielle

 

Suffocation

Have you ever had a dream where you are suffocating?

Only to wake gasping for air. Realizing you have been holding your breath in your sleep?

That’s how depression and anxiety feel for me.

Like I’m suffocating. Those around me stealing my breath. Until there’s no breath left and I’m left to either scream or claw my way out. Demanding my own breath back.

Depression and anxiety are ugly. But with my depression and anxiety comes a compassion and a need to help others. It’s a slippery slope and one I’m working on boundaries with.

The more I give of myself the less I have left of me.

When you are sliding down the black of hole depression what helps pull you back to the surface?

Is it friendship? A spouse? An addiction?

I have a depression toolbox that I use. No one thing works each time.

For me first accepting that this is how I feel in this moment is where I start.

Then I start grabbing shit from toolbox maybe its a joint, a bible verse, an essential oil. Maybe it’s running in the middle of nowhere. Maybe it’s crying for a solid hour before I get my life back together and move on.

Depression is tricky. And I used to mask it with a prescription medication. But all it did was prolong the suffering.

Now I give it to God. I use my toolkit. I allow myself to feel this way because it’s a valid feeling. Depression and anxiety will suffocate you if you allow them to. It’s a daily struggle.

One that can’t be cured with a tiny little pill. I don’t know that there truly is a cure. I think as time goes on at least for me I have learned to acknowledge my feelings. Allow myself to be depressed over a certain situation. But not for long. Then I move on.

Depression doesn’t define me. It’s just a piece to my life, and small hiccup in my makeup. Life has humbled me, but it’s also broken my heart so many times that it makes sense that I suffer from depression and anxiety.

Do you find that your depression comes and goes? Is it a daily struggle?

Fuera

My incredibly intelligent brother is owner of an app called Fuera.

As my new fix yourself mission I decided to incorporate running into my routine.

I’ve always been a weight lifting yoga kind of girl but needed a change. I’ve always hated running. And give up pretty easily.

But today I sucked it up. Put on my big girl running shoes and headed out to the desert for a trail run using Fuera.

What is Fuera?

In simple terms it’s a running app. But in reality it’s got some pretty awesome features and simple terms doesn’t do it justice.

Creating a running community for all stages of your running journey.

I’ll go ahead and categorize myself as an extreme beginner, pulls over to die about 5 times. Possibly dry heaves then moves on.

So if and when I’m ready to find others that have similar paces. I’ll be scouting Fuera first.

But it tracks your pace and distance with such ease and no annoying notifications during your run.

It allows you to create a run and invite your friends.

Fuera costs $0 to download. For the frugal such as myself.

It adds an accountability and a reward at least for me. Being able to see my pace and distance at the end gives me motivation for my next run.

You should download it and you should spread the word just saying. My little brothers biggest fan here.

https://fuera.io

When I was ankle deep in loose desert sand sucking wind hard I felt my body actually coming alive. Despite the feeling that my lungs were going to start bleeding at any given moment. I ran on. And walked some. I spent a solid 15 minutes dry heaving. I’m not a morning person and I’m not a runner naturally.

It’s been a long time since I’ve headed out into natures beauty and just ran.

The thing about running is all my struggles are temporarily gone.

With each step I felt a feeling of empowerment. Surrounded by the beauty of the sierra mountains and high desert I finally felt alive again.

The numb feeling that depression brings for me was momentarily gone.

Fuera kept me on track. Gave me motivation to keep running. I told myself I wouldn’t check my pace until I was finished.

I’m not a runner. I’ll have to train hard to become one. But I just love Fuera, the running community it brings and the accountability it gives me.

If you are looking for a user friendly running app I’d encourage you to download Fuera. Plan a run with some friends or even just hold yourself accountable to a new healthy lifestyle.

Danielle

Faith

I’ve been feeling defeated today. I could feel my depression seeping in like an ugly black hole. I won’t share every hardship of my day. But just when I felt like I couldn’t take anymore that life had to throw at me today I started to see the 7 beautifully clear messages from God. I just wasn’t listening at first. And there at my lowest point my eyes were opened.

A bible verse to start my morning off. (That initially if I’m being honest irritated me because of my self loathing depressive morning mood)

Sibling love.

A phone call I’ve been needing.

Money.

Friendship.

Compassion.

And this little love note in the stormy skies from the greatest artist around.

God is always around. Do you see the heart? God has a way of leaving me these little heart shaped loved notes in all places of my life.

Meet my pride and joy a hen covered in heart shapes.

He knows what we can handle.

He knows what we need.

And he will forever be my favorite artist of all time.

God is good.

Religion is sometimes misguided. Today I received the bitter slap that religion can offer.

I need to remember to keep faith on days that life is truly unbearable.

And remember that a faith in God doesn’t mean a belief in religion.

God strategically places people in your lives for a reason. The good and the bad.

Danielle

The effects of anxiety on our bodies

No one likes to talk about poop or stomach issues.

But the reality is people poop. And some people have some struggles. Just saying.

Anxiety, stress, depression can wreak havoc on the body.

I’ll be completely transparent when I say raising two kids on the spectrum has caused me a lot of tummy issues.

Sleepless nights, meltdowns, repetitive noise behaviors seem to cripple my stomach.

Some days I feel as if I’m holding my breath all day. Not quite sure how to grasp a hold on the days challenges and moods.

This feeling of holding my breath and internally stifling the anxiety my body is under has destroyed my body internally.

I’m not blaming my kids for their behaviors. Or Autism for that matter.

But it is hard. Being a mama of kids on the spectrum. It’s a hard balance to reach. Sleepless nights don’t mean I get a break for the day. Out of control meltdowns add more anxiety. I do my very best to keep my own struggles to myself so not to reflect back on the kids.

But internally it has wreaked havoc on me.

I’ve spent multiple hours in the emergency room for unbearable stomach pain. A compliment of my own anxiety from the struggles I face raising two kids on the spectrum.

This isn’t a blame game. More of a confession of a mama that struggles daily with trying to be a good mama to her kids.

Moms make sacrifices. And I think moms with kids with challenges make more sacrifices.

Then there’s the fact that it’s hard to find support and people who truly understand the struggles because let’s be real each person with autism has their own unique struggles and strengths. So it’s hard to find someone who can relate to what you experience. Because of course everyone is different.

I’ve found myself struggling with my own health in all this autism business. And sometimes I realize my own struggles tend to have some spectrumy behaviors as well.

I read recently about a capsule with peppermint oil, and ginger can help ease the pain and discomfort associated with IBS.

So this week I’ve mixed up some potions in capsules and will try them for a few weeks before I can support or discredit this potion.

Praying it works. Praying I can learn to condition my own response to the days that can seem so out of control.

I truly hate anxiety. I hate that is has such a crippling effect on my body. And I hate that I haven’t been able to find a way to truly cope other than stifling my own struggles.

Do you find your anxiety leads to tummy issues? And how do you combat it?

A Simple Mom’s Guide to Essential Oils

I’ve written a lot for clients not much for myself.

I find it less work to write for someone else. I’m too much of a perfectionist sometimes and it ends up hindering my own production.

I decided on a whim to write and publish my own ebook.

It’s my first ebook from start to finish. I wanted it to seem as if you are talking to a friend. No sales just some advice. Some potions.

Some things that work for my family and own health.

It has a little of everything. Pretty common solutions to ailments. It’s easy to read, but should be used more as a guide depending on what potion and ailment you may have.

Of course I don’t think I’m a witch. But it is more fun to call them potions.

You can download for $2.99 my ebook guide for beginner oilers on Amazon.

A Simple Mom’s Guide to Essential Oils

I hope that you find some useful potions and recipes to try in your home for healthier living.

Danielle

The Sleep Potion

Today I wanted to talk about sleep.

And share our family sleep cure.

When I say that we struggled with sleep in our household, I mean my oldest son would wake anywhere from 5-15 times a night screaming.  Almost every night since we brought him home from the hospital.

I tried everything I could think of.  I spent my days and nights researching, praying, changing diets, weighted blankets you name it.  We tried it.  We tried different oils with no assistance.  Tired Teddies would help the kids fall asleep, but he would never stay asleep.  He was always restless and seemed uncomfortable even while sleeping.  I had doctors run tests, so many different things and nothing seemed to give.

We even saw a sleep specialist.

Anyways after doing some research on different essential oils I decided to mix up a whipped coconut potion.  That night I put it on the kids and they slept perfectly.  So MJE and I decided to try it on ourselves the next night, and we slept the best we had slept in years.  We are seriously amazed.  No one goes to bed without MamaD’s Sleep Potion.  What started as a joke has turned into something amazing.  For once we feel good.  We wake up feeling refreshed, pain free.  Thinking maybe it was all a placebo effect I sent some to friends to try and all said they slept the best they had ever slept.  I noticed EBE isn’t restless in his sleep anymore.  He’s actually sleeping and it’s been months he has been sleeping through the night.

The Sleep Potion contains all natural ingredients.  Whipped from my kitchen to your home.  I only tease I don’t think I’m a witch but we do call them potions in our home.  So the name seemed fitting because we often are shocked by an oils ability to heal.  Considering we’ve been told most of our lives to find a pill for this or that.  So potions seem silly, but I’ll tell you this potion has the sleep cure.

The sleep potion contains copaiba oil, also known as the “marijuana oil”, lavender, panaway, and cedarwood essential oils.

It truly has a healing ability.  It’s all natural ingredients make it safe for all ages to try.

This has been a Godsend in our household.

I’ll have The Sleep Potion up in the Etsy shop for sale on September 1st.  Made with all natural ingredients from one ex sleep deprived mama.

Why I choose Young Living Copaiba Oil

  • It is way more affordable than CBD
  • 100% drug-free with no risk of containing THC and 100% legal
  • Young Living extensively tests all products, including third-party testing. Young Living guarantees all oils are oils free of pesticides, heavy metals, and contaminants.
  • Not from the cannabis plant, so using Copaiba won’t affect a drug test

Everything is whipped and created in my kitchen.

From my home to yours.  Hope you find some sleep in your journey.

Danielle